In this week’s Guest Blog, we loved hearing from Nancy Shafee, founder of Well Urned Rest, about her decision to start making beautiful and unique biodegradable urns some six years ago. With the majority of people in the UK now opting for cremation, we were interested to see how she designed and developed urns that can be treasured and kept, or that are suitable for natural burial too.
Why on earth do I make urns?
A chance discussion with a friend about the lack of materials giving a feeling of a ‘warm reception’ for cremation ashes, started an interesting conversation. ‘You are a feltmaker’ she said ‘you could make them in felt – warm and comforting’.
Fast forward several months learning to convert weights into volume and researching the most common sizes of urns, and my first designs were launched in handmade felt under the name of Well Urned Rest.
My urns were then – and still are – decorative (possibly slightly whacky?) and while I hope they do give a feeling of warmth, I also hope people will consider they are suitable for keeping at home – not everyone wants to bury ashes.
More and more people are opting for direct cremation, often because this makes for a more affordable end to a life, but I have to say that the farewell services I have attended where the gathering is centred around an urn, rather than around a coffin sliding behind curtains, have been much gentler goodbyes for all concerned, and I am really pleased that direct cremation is becoming more acceptable. But as I say, you don’t have to bury an urn.
An increasingly ‘acceptable topic’
We all talk about ‘losing a friend’, someone ‘passing over’, a ‘sad demise’. All euphemisms for death. More and more of us are planning ahead for the inevitable – our own demise. The one thing in life we know is non-negotiable.
I have always been aware of how we all shy away from discussing death – other people’s and our own. So I set out with the hope that people would consider choosing their own resting vessel, using their choice as a way to open discussions with their families – not just about the urn itself but about all the other things that one might consider for one’s perfect goodbye.
Perhaps this more open way of confronting our own mortality, sharing our aspirations for a final goodbye with our family is still a new idea for some, but it can be reassuring for everyone. Someone choosing their own urn may be considering the financial implications of a funeral or cremation, but many also want to be assured of a certain type of service and burial.
But of course, as I put a lot of work into them, I also want people to enjoy owning their special vessel and appreciating it for their lifetime, however long or short.
How do you choose an urn – for yourself or for someone else?
I have found that when choosing their own vessel, many people home in on a colour to complement their living room or perhaps their bedroom décor. I even made a teaming couple of urns for a couple who wanted to leave them in their garden to start growing natural mosses and lichens, watching the beginnings of the ‘decomposition’ of the receptacle during their lifetime.
Those choosing for others tend to consider the recipient’s favourite colours or seasons. Recently a customer on the other side of the Atlantic chose a particular urn because she felt it reflected her friend’s character. What a lovely memory. If choosing for a friend or relation, while mourning the loss of that special someone, should we not celebrate a life well lived, a wonderful friendship? What better way than a decorative urn? I hope Well Urned Rest can help cushion the inevitable sorrow we must feel.
All sample urns can be purchased if still available, but equally many people like to make their own choice of colours and decorations. There’s also a ‘halfway house’ – for example, I can add different embellishments to an otherwise sample urn.
To reassure everyone that their own choices are truly personal, I do not share pictures of commissioned urns, only share my sample designs.
The capacity of each urn is about 3litres, not exact as felting is not an exacting craft, nor can my maths be considered exceptional, but smaller or larger urns can be specially ordered. I am also happy to make even the tiniest receptacle for a very small pet.
What else might you be considering?
Having attended a number of Death Cafes (or Farewell Cafes) I have been struck how increasing numbers of people say they want to determine (or at least request) specific music or poetry – even the colours their guests will wear!
Starting with your choice of urn you can open that conversation – rather than leaving it in a letter of wishes to be read when it will be too late to discuss the options. You may need to accept that some family members may not like your choices, but at least you have a chance for discussion rather than leaving others to argue about the inclusions when you are not there to guide the reasoning. Someone I met said they had to veto their father’s request for ‘I’m gonna live forever’ as they thought it inappropriate! Yes – really.
All Well Urned Rest vessels are biodegradable, whether in handmade felt, or stitched in silk, linen or cotton. These designs in textiles were added about two years ago, cotton and linen being acceptable to Vegan purchasers. This decision to use purely natural materials means they are suitable for the many natural burial grounds that now accept ashes (note: Do check. Not all do – some still only accept coffins).
A warm embrace
As well a decorative urns, I also make what I call Embraceable Urns – comforting, huggable receptacles. This came about after someone told me she likes to hug her husband’s ashes when she is watching TV in the evening but how the metal urn she had was ‘not very huggable’. These much simpler designs are now my most popular sellers. To date I only make Embraceable Urns in felt, but there’s no reason why I could not design something in fabric.
Urns take a couple of weeks to make, allowing for ordering wool and silk fibres in the chosen colours, making, drying, stretching and forming the finished item. Fabric urns may take less time, but that will depend on the fabric being available. I do print some fabric myself as well.
However, this should not stop you contacting me if you are in more of a hurry. I will pull out the stops to help if I can. I can use customers’ own fabrics, but if the final resting place is a natural burial ground, fabrics must of course be suitable – ie biodegradable – and the same goes for any additional trims, be they buttons, beads or ribbons.
In summary, I urge you to enjoy every last minute – of your own life, and the lives of your special people – but do open the doors to end of life discussions when the time is right.
Thank you Nancy for sharing your work and journey with us.
If you would like to find out more about Nancy and her wonderful urns, please visit Well Urned Rest.