In this week’s Guest Blog, it was lovely to hear from whiteballoon member Toby Mynott from Simple Kent Funerals about saying goodbye with a simple ceremony before a direct cremation.
Here is Toby’s story..
As I’m sure anyone in the industry is aware, the mid-afternoon airways are full of national companies advertising their ‘direct cremation’ (a cremation with no ceremony) services. The key point they emphasise is that a direct cremation comes with ‘no fuss’ – along with low cost. This certainly seems an attractive proposition and unquestionably many older people sign up with them, wanting to make things easier for their family when the time comes.
There is however another side to the story. What I’ve been hearing from families whose loved one has chosen a direct cremation is that they regret the decision. Why? Because they feel there’s been no sense of completion in not having a ceremony or gathering, however small. So – is it possible for a family to say goodbye with a simple ceremony before a cremation – and still honour their loved one’s wish for ‘no fuss’ and low cost? The answer is ‘yes’ – and here’s a review that one family I recently worked with left on Google, which I think explains the how and why…
“We didn’t know that a funeral service like Toby’s existed – we are so very grateful that it does. For his funeral, dad made it very clear that he didn’t want a fuss. We wanted to honour his wishes whilst also having the opportunity to say goodbye in the right way for us. A direct cremation felt too final and impersonal. We knew we’d regret not having some type of ceremony.
When exploring other options, we were faced with services that were formal, formulaic, traditional, prescriptive and just not dad. That’s when I came across Toby. Until speaking to him, we had no idea that non-conventional alternatives were even possible. From the very first call and him visiting us at mum’s for a cuppa and a chat, I knew we had found the right way to celebrate dad’s life, and with someone who would honour dad with respect and compassion. Whilst navigating grief, we felt held by Toby as he helped us to shape a simple, fitting gathering. He was in touch throughout the time leading up to the service, did much of the heavy lifting, and really couldn’t do enough for the whole family and for dad. He even played dad’s favourite music in his car when he picked him up from the hospital, and after the ceremony on the way to the crematorium. We know dad would have loved hearing John Denver for one last time! The day itself was sad but we genuinely felt that it couldn’t have been more fitting. There was no better way to say goodbye.“
Review posted by Sharon Harrison, June 2025.
Thank you Toby for sharing this experience and your thoughts about direct cremation.
To find out more about Toby and the services he offers, please go to his website Simple Kent Funerals.