In this deeply personal Guest Blog, Peter Rock shares with us how the devastating suicide of his son Gar was the catalyst for a ground-breaking play which seeks to encourage more open conversations about, and a better understanding of, men’s mental health.
In 2023, 6,834 people took their own lives in the UK*, leaving 6,834 families stunned and shocked. In July 2021 we became one of them, when our 36 year old son ended his life. No one Here is Me is the story of how our family has responded.
No one Here is Me is a powerful verbatim play that viscerally exposes the many and varied issues impacting on and affecting men’s mental health. It is a beautifully crafted, sensitive balance of loss, survival and hope.
This ground-breaking performance was created by our niece and actress, Sarah Winn, the year after our son, Gar, took his life, at the end of lock down. Gar was outgoing, caring, charismatic, a musician, and just the best at giving hugs. His death was devastating and in urgent response to it, Sarah set out to gain a better understanding of men’s mental health and how we, as a society, might serve them better. After four months of research, with charities, organisations, individuals and our own family, Sarah, with the help of a grant from the Arts Council, used her visionary skills as a theatre maker, to weave the words from her interviews into No one Here is Me.
Her interest, enquiries and research were seen as a breath of fresh air by everyone she contacted. That she was creating a piece of theatre, to powerfully convey and expose the raw, inner turmoil and pain that many men suffer, was a light of hope. Many survivors of suicide and depression spontaneously stepped forward to tell their story and to help expand Sarah’s understanding around this deeply complex decline in male self-worth.
Researching, writing and producing the play was a gargantuan task and in May 2023, the cast was brought together for five days of rehearsal, followed by two powerful sharing’s at The Marlowe Kit, Canterbury and The Aphra Theatre at the University of Kent. The post show discussions at both events clearly demonstrated how deeply the play and its message had touched the audiences, provoked strong conversations and determination for action.
It is rare for the Arts Council to award a second round of funding to a project, but Sarah and No one Here is Me received their support again in 2024. The money will help us to create a cinema quality trailer and to expand our vision for how, with the right networking and pre-planning, each showing can become a community catalyst for action.
We will be working with every mental health, suicide and bereavement charity and group in the areas we visit, using the additional emotional jolt from the play, to galvanise communities into making sure that their local help and support for men of all ages is joined up and appropriate.
Currently, and with their support and help, No one Here is Me will be performed at Maidstone and Margate football clubs in March 2025. With the help of the charity Head in The Game we’ll be liaising with and connecting to various other local sports clubs and businesses, to unearth every kind of therapeutic mental health support, from sessions painting pottery, to Men’s Sheds and poetry readings in cafés.
Our vision is to help bring communities together, so that everyone thinks about and takes action about, the ongoing care of anyone feeling challenged by the life they are leading. Because the society we have created, constantly bombards us with a stream of bad news, loss and general world horrors, we can hit overload, switch off and become insular. That can be so bad at times, that it can take the volcanic, earth-shaking shock of the suicide of a friend or family member to wake us up. And when that happens, it is, of course, already too late.
Prior to our son taking his life, we had no reason to bring up the topic of suicide in conversation with family and friends. Curiously, since Gar’s death, many of those same friends and family have drifted away, no longer sure what to say, or how to be with us. At a time of great loss, losing a connection with people you had previously felt were close, can be an additionally disorientating experience.
It can be very uncomfortable and distressing to look any parent in the eye and tell them how sad and distressed you feel about the death of their child. Nobody who can bring themselves to do it, wants to be in their shoes.
We have only truly understood how far the ripples of suicide spread, by being at one of its epicentres. Our long term vision is to tour No one Here is Me around the country so that we can bring its powerful message to as many communities as possible and focus mental health support. We want far fewer men and women taking their lives and far fewer families suffering the consequences. It is time for us all to come together.
How you can help
If you, or anyone you know, can help us achieve our vision for No one Here is Me, through either your personal input, networking us to a valuable contact, or through a donation, or other funding, please contact us through our website, www.noonehereisme.co.uk.
* Statistics from the Samaritans website Oct 2024