At the devastating time after the loss of a baby, it is so important to know what the choices and options are for spending time with them in the precious hours and days before the funeral. CuddleCot offers parents the opportunity to take their baby home for a short time. Here, bereavement consultant and midwife Sian Ness explains what CuddleCot is and how it works.
Taking your baby home after death
If you are reading this after your baby has died, we would like to offer our sincere condolences. There are a number of difficult decisions to be made at this sad time and we know that deciding what is best for you and your baby can feel daunting and overwhelming. We have provided the following information so that you are aware of and understand the choices available to you.
Following the loss of a baby, some parents decide to take their baby home from the hospital before the funeral for a short time. All bereaved parents should be offered the opportunity to take their baby’s body home.
This isn’t necessarily the right option for all families but for some it brings immense comfort. Taking your baby home provides you with the opportunity to spend time with them privately and in comforting, familiar surroundings.
Potential benefits for parents who want to take their baby home include:
- Spending time with your baby away from a clinical setting and an opportunity to say goodbye in the privacy of their own home
- Time to introduce your baby to siblings, extended family and friends and to recognise the baby’s place within the family
- More opportunities to create memories
- An opportunity to parent and care for your baby
You may also want to take your baby to a place away from the home that has special significance to you.
There is no legal reason why you should not do this apart from when a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death (MCCD) cannot be issued, and the death is being referred to the coroner or procurator fiscal.
You may be able to take your baby straight home from hospital with you, however if a post-mortem is required or you have opted for this investigation, it is preferred that this takes place before you take your baby home. This ensures that the investigation happens as soon as possible, and that any information gained from the post-mortem is accurate.
Responsibility for the baby’s body
When a baby dies, the parents are legally responsible for ensuring that the body is buried or cremated. The legal requirement for burial or cremation does not apply to babies who are miscarried before 24 weeks’ gestation, although some parents may arrange burial or cremation for these babies. Some parents may also choose to delegate responsibility for the burial or cremation to the hospital if this option is offered.
How do I take my baby home?
In most hospital settings, you can take your baby home with you directly from the ward on which you have been being cared for. For some hospitals, it may be that you take your baby home from the mortuary.
If you go home and later decide that you would like to bring your baby home, you can discuss arranging this with your bereavement specialist team or your funeral director depending on where your baby is being cared for at the time.
Before you leave the hospital, you may be asked to sign a form stating that you are taking your baby home, accepting responsibility for the care of their body and will either be arranging their burial or cremation or will be bringing them back to the hospital. This option will depend on your individual hospital guidance around taking a baby home.
You may also be given a letter to take home with you confirming that your baby had died prior to you leaving hospital. This is used in the unlikely circumstances that you are involved in an accident or a police incident.
You can take your baby home yourself by car if you wish, or you may want to use a funeral director for this (they may charge for this service).
If you take your baby home yourself you can carry him/her in your arms, use a Moses basket, a car seat or, if you prefer, a casket from a funeral director. Some authorities do advise that safety seats and belts are preferred to ensure that the baby is secure during the journey.
If you want to take your baby home by taxi or minicab, you must check first that the driver is willing to transport your baby in these circumstances. Public transport is not advisable.
Who should be informed?
The hospital mortuary should be informed, and best practice is for your bereavement team to provide them with a copy of the signed form for the mortuary register. Your GP, community midwife and health visitor should be informed that you are taking your baby home in case you require any support. There is no need to inform the police or any other authorities.
What happens when you are at home?
When you are at home with your baby there are no specific rules about what you can and cannot do; you can spend the time together in a way that is best for you. If you decide to take your baby out of the home environment and to a special place, make sure you carry the letter you have been given by the hospital with you to prevent any misunderstanding.
When you are at home, the room that your baby is in will need to be kept as cool as possible and well ventilated. We recommend keeping windows closed whilst baby is at home, refrain from putting any heating on in the room and keep clothes and blankets to a minimum. The use of fans may be beneficial.
It’s important to be aware of other children and consider the presence of pets within the home environment. We strongly advise you to take general safety precautions and ensure that your baby is not left alone with any other children or animals.
How should baby be cared for?
We would recommend baby is cared for using a CuddleCot whilst they are at home.
What is a CuddleCot?
The CuddleCot is a unique cooling device designed to provide grieving parents with the invaluable gift of time with their baby after loss. The CuddleCot is lightweight, portable and compatible with any bed or cot, allowing bereaved parents the flexibility to choose where they spend time with their baby.
The CuddleCot system includes a standard and premature cooling pad which a baby would lie on top of. It can be placed in any basket, crib or bed. The pad is connected by a specially insulated hose that delivers water from the CuddleCot cooling unit into the mat ensuring that baby is cooled to an optimum temperature but will never get too cold. The CuddleCot’s thin, soft cooling pad is placed on top of a soft mattress which ensures the baby is fully cushioned and comfortable.
Often, the bereavement team at the hospital can arrange for a CuddleCot to be loaned to you so you can have it for the entire time your baby is at home with you. If there is not one available from the hospital, you may wish to contact your funeral director. Some funeral directors also have a CuddleCot that they may be able to loan to you whilst your baby is at home. Please contact the bereavement team at the hospital to help facilitate this.
What changes may occur to your baby’s appearance whilst they are at home?
During the time your baby is at home with you, it’s important that you are aware of some physical changes to your baby’s condition that may occur. The colour of your baby’s skin and lips may change over time, and you may notice some peeling of their skin as it becomes fragile. This is often more evident on their hands, feet and wrists but can occur in other places too.
It is also not unusual for small amounts of watery fluid to leak from the baby’s nose after he/she has died. Although this can be difficult to see, it is nothing to be alarmed by and can be wiped away gently using a soft tissue or baby wipe.
If your baby is being cared for in a CuddleCot, the rate that these natural changes occur will be much slower than if they weren’t being actively cooled. Occasionally, you may notice a mild odour in the room and sometimes, parents find it useful to use a calming, pleasant, scented candle/diffuser. It is worth remembering that often, when we are grieving, our memories are formed by our senses so you may go on to associate this specific smell with the loss of your baby.
We would recommend you remain in close contact with your bereavement midwife/team whilst you at home with your baby and if you have any questions about any physical changes that occur, you are able to discuss these with them.
How long can I take my baby home for?
The length of time that your baby is at home with you will depend on your own wishes. Some parents will have their baby at home for just the day or night before the funeral takes place however others choose to have them at home for longer. Like grief, the decisions you make are unique to you and your family.
There is no legal time limit on how long your baby spends at home however it is important to remember that over time, your baby’s appearance will change.
If the hospital is assisting in the arrangements for your baby’s funeral, it’s important that you are in close contact with the bereavement team and keep them informed of how long you want to keep your baby at home. They will liaise with the nominated funeral director and the mortuary staff at the hospital to help you facilitate the care of your baby.
Once a baby has left the care of the hospital, it is not always possible for them to be returned to their care. If this is the case at your hospital, and you are arranging a private funeral (without hospital involvement), we would recommend choosing a funeral director as soon as you are home, if not before, and informing them that your baby is at home with you. They will give you contact details, including out of hours emergency contact numbers to arrange for collection of your baby as and when you are ready. Again, it is helpful to keep an open line of communication with them during the time your baby is at home so they can offer you support.
Support whilst at home with your baby
Your bereavement team should arrange for either themselves or your community midwife to visit whilst your baby is at home. This is to provide general support as well as to answer any questions or discuss any concerns you may have. You should also be provided with a 24-hour telephone number to call in the event you needed immediate support or advice.
Your bereavement support midwife/team at the hospital will be notified when you have been discharged home with your baby and should call regularly to check in whilst your baby is at home. You can also contact your allocated funeral director for help and support. Should you have any queries during your time at home with baby you can contact any of the above for further support and advice.
Please see below for additional support information and resources.
Support information:
The following is a list of national support organisations and charities providing care and support to bereaved parents.
Remember My Baby Charity – www.remembermybaby.org.uk
Remember My Baby (RMB) is a registered charity dedicated to providing the meaningful and heartfelt gift of baby remembrance photography to parents across the UK who have experienced the loss of their baby before, during or shortly after birth.
Twins Trust Bereavement Service – 01252 332344 – www.twinstrust.org
This charity supports all parents of multiples who have experienced loss, whether it was during pregnancy, at birth or any point afterwards.
The Lullaby Trust – 0808 802 6869 – www.lullabytrust.org.uk
Raising awareness and support for those who have lost a child from SIDS.
Child Bereavement UK – 0800 0288840 – www.childbereavementuk.org
Support families when a baby or child of any age dies.
Ectopic Pregnancy Trust – 020 7733 2653 – www.ectopic.org.uk
A national organisation offering support and information for those experiencing an ectopic pregnancy.
Saying Goodbye, Part of The Mariposa Trust – 0300 323 1350
www.sayinggoodbye.org
Facebook – @sayinggoodbyeuk & Instagram – @Sayinggoodbye_charity
An international charity based in the UK offering support for anyone who has lost a baby at any stage of pregnancy, at birth or in infancy, whether the loss was today or decades ago, social media support, befriending, ‘Saying Goodbye’ national services of remembrance, resources, training for medical professionals and organisations, and campaigning for change in bereavement services and care.
Cruse Bereavement Support – 0808 8081677 – www.cruse.org.uk
This charity offers bereavement support to anyone who has experienced a loss.
Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity (Sands) – 0808 164 3332 www.sands.org.uk
Sands works to save babies’ lives and ensure that, when a baby does die, anyone affected gets the support and care they need. Support is for anyone who has been affected by the death of a baby and wants to talk to someone about their experience.
The Miscarriage Association – 01924 200799 – www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
A national charity offering emotional support via telephone, training and information.
Petals – 0300 688 0068 – www.petalscharity.org
A charity providing counselling services for people who have received care from specific hospitals
Tommy’s – 0800 014 7800 – www.tommys.org
A research charity dedicated to finding and treating the causes of loss.
Abigail’s Footsteps – 07534 651156 – www.abigailsfootsteps.co.uk
Providing support, counselling and bereavement training for healthcare professionals as well as resources.
CRADLE – 0333 443 4630 – www.cradlecharity.org
A pregnancy loss charity working with healthcare professionals to support pregnancy loss services.
4Louis – 0191 5144473 – www.4Louis.co.uk
Providing resources for staff working with families experiencing baby loss.
Lily Mae Foundation – 01676 535716 – www.lilymaefoundation.org
Supporting parents by offering emotional support and counselling and training.
Child Death Helpline – 0800 282 986 – www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk
A helpline run by bereaved parents to offer support to those who have lost a child.
For further information about CuddleCot, or to contact their support team, please email [email protected] or call 08455 333561 (UK) or 800 992 8977 (US).